If you’re single like me you’re probably used to the following narrative and questions:
” We need to hurry up and find you a husband”
” When you getting married?”
” You live alone, all by yourself? That doesn’t get lonely?”
” I know you got a boyfriend, a man or something”
And the list goes on……
For the most part, I take these comments and questions in stride because the majority of the time, they come from people who I am certain mean well but just want what they perceive is best for me.
But I am here today to state that my single life isn’t something I am DESPERATELY trying to shake free of nor is it some type of death sentence that I believe God unfairly punished me with until a significant other arrives. I am in love with the life that I am currently leading because I realize love and happiness starts with ME and spreads abroad and I’ve got a lot of things that I am passionate about and that God has placed in my hands to steward and tend to in THIS MOMENT.
Society has put us into a mode where as single individuals we are constantly bombarded with the idea that you haven’t arrived until you have a husband or wife, 2 and a half kids, and a house with a white picket fence and if you don’t…. WELL then you’ve clearly missed the mark. Or God doesn’t love you. Or you must have something wrong with you. But your worth comes from a lot more than just the mere notion of your marital status or what you’ve achieved in life. I’ve found that my worth is in Christ and in Christ alone and when I attempt to place it in anything else or look elsewhere for it then I always come up empty.
Don’t get me wrong I desire companionship and REAL LOVE. And there will definitely be a time to be married to an amazing man that adds to the amazing life that I already have and pour our love and Christ’s love into our offspring. There will be a time to build a beautiful life as a great mother and wife and carry out my individual and collective purpose with my husband that God placed me on this Earth for. Those are roles that I believe are so honorable and beautiful and God graces each individual for. But that’s not the entirety of who I am and desire to be. Both of those roles take great preparation and maturity to truly serve in the capacity that I believe God creates them for .
And what better time to prepare and love my life then right now in this very moment? Whatever issues I was dealing with as a single woman don’t magically disappear when I get married. If I don’t use this beautiful time right now to love myself, find myself and the things I love, and truly appreciate my own identity I may make the mistake of idolizing my future blessings of marriage and children. As a result I may also lose my sense of identity and wholeness misusing the gifts God has given me to steward in the long run.
I’ve also been a single woman who’s been in the WRONG relationships. I’ve known what it feels like to lay next to someone and have your very worth and being taken for granted and to be greatly undervalued. I’ve known what it feels like when the very things you do for someone are not GOOD ENOUGH and neither are you. I’ve felt hurt and pain and sense of being lost due to being in the wrong relationships and not being able to truly hear from God.
I no longer desire those things for myself, thanks be to God and his great sense of deliverance and freedom. I am content to enjoy my single life until God orchestrates a meeting with a man worthy of who and what I am as a person. A man who is not threatened by those things but encourages and breathes life into those things as I do the same for him. (talk about a beautiful God honoring partnership) And I say that in the most humblest terms possible.
The next RELATIONSHIP I enter into will be intentional and it will be to a man who honors the God I serve, me, my womanhood, my accomplishments, the love I give and all the wonderful gifts and talents that I will bring to our relationship.
Until then I am excited to:
- Grow deeper and stronger in my intimate relationship with God and be about my Father’s business.
- Learn from healthy and happy married couples what it takes to sustain a God filled marriage with a purpose filled partner.
- Travel! (woot woot)
- Learn to live fearlessly and bold and walking in faith
- Try new foods and cook new recipes
- Chase my dreams and make my career exactly what I want it to be with God’s discernment and wisdom
- Eat cereal for dinner if I feel like it (lol)
- Stretch out in my bed
- Dance around my apartment
- Sleep in
- Building amazing friendships
- Spend time with friends and family and fostering and growing those relationships
- Serve in my community
- Check out local treats and restaurants (yay! fun! )
- Workout as much as my little body can stand
- Make random trips anywhere
- Tinker with starting a business
- Write books and blogs and whatever else God puts on my heart
- Splurge guilt free on my heart’s desires
- Come and go as I please
- Read books, learn, grow, become a better woman FOR ME
- Move across the country or around the world
- Go wherever God may be calling me to serve his people
- Last but not least live my life abundantly as that is what Jesus died for me to do
I challenge you if you are in a relationship that in your heart you know you shouldn’t be in or has you living below the life God intended for you, (short of your marriage because you in that thang till death do us part lol) I encourage you to examine whether you can truly live the divine life God intended you to with this person or if you are operating out of a place of loneliness, desperation, or boredom. I’ve been there and desperation will only detour you to dead ends. Trust the process, grow, learn, take care of yourself, figure yourself out, find out what you’re called to do and GO DO IT! Your life doesn’t start when you get a ring on your finger or your marital status changes, it starts every morning God breathes fresh breath into your body. Get busy! You never know who God may be using you to impact.
And my my, what a special thing when you do encounter your future spouse (if God has placed that as a strong desire in your heart I believe and stand in agreement with you that he will honor it) if you’ve been busy enjoying your life and growing in God excelling in those gifts and talents we’ve all been blessed with.
So go enjoy your wild, fabulous, beautiful and blessed single life! It’s so worth it!