Dating with Discernment: Navigating Landmines and Goldmines



dating with discernment
Photo Credit: GIPHY

As a single woman navigating dating can be a lot like trying to tip toe over landmines in attempts to get to the place of the coveted gold mine a.k.a,  a relationship that is divine, healthy, and most of all happy and representative of the love that you release into the world. Often, the best way to reach that goal is to continually expect the best of potential and current suitors but keep a discerning eye out for those things that would normally pass right under the radar without thinking twice or blinking.

We’ve all been guilty of one time too many fighting with our God given instincts and nudges about how someone’s character fits into our life and lifestyle. God always sends us soft and sometimes loud signals like “Hey don’t pass go, don’t collect $200, this ain’t it” but sometimes we can be very headstrong, lonely, willing to compromise, too kind-hearted for our own good, too optimistic, etc. that those very characteristics prevent us from vetting people the way that we normally would.

I can remember an instance where I KNEW within my heart of hearts and God was dealing with me the entire time I was in this individual’s presence that he wasn’t for me but you know how that goes. LOL. If you are a type A personality or just extremely motivated, you are of the mind that there isn’t anything that you can’t make work. And you will FIND a way,  where there is a WILL. But the wondrous and beautiful thing about TRUE AND AUTHENTIC LOVE I’ve found is that you don’t have to work EXTREMELY hard at it, it naturally flows even in the working/workable moments.

But God kept dealing with me the entire time. From people in restaurants, stores, and other familiar places I would normally visit alone and receive a warm reception giving me odd looks , to just my general uncomfortableness about certain things that were happening or being said, to God literally not letting me get any rest with what I was doing.

dating disaster
Photo Credit: GIPHY

It was actually pretty hilarious looking at it in hindsight. But I didn’t actualize what was occurring until it occurred and I was completely 175% uncomfortable and out of sorts that I realized that I was wrestling with God (and not in a Jacob type of way to receive a welcome blessing) as well as wrestling with myself for a reality and future with people I knew that I wasn’t happy with in my present and couldn’t see a foreseeable future with.  I knew I had to get out and fast because my intrinsic values were being stepped upon and that is super important to me in building a relationship with ANYONE.

Discernment and keeping your eyes open and remaining sober-minded and prayerful can save you a lot of time from mismatching yourself with people who should have never made it past “hello how are you?”.  It can save you the heartache of injuring yourself with individuals whose goals and visions are misaligned with your own and give you the soundness of mind and pureness of heart to be able to enjoy the goldmine of a divine, healthy, and happy relationship instead of expending great energy on fruitless pursuits when that beautiful relationship you desire manifests.

As for me in my personal landmines, God’s protection and discernment has kept me pretty well recently although I’ve been slightly hard-headed. So how do you use discernment while on the journey to cross paths with your life counterpart?

  1. Remain open but objective. Yes, this individual isn’t perfect and neither are you. However, making excuses for people’s behavior or accepting the bare minimum of your standards as “it’s  as good as it gets” is settling and not operating in your true and authentic self.
  2. Trust your peace or lack thereof. Listen to what the person is and isn’t saying and then watch for actions that align with those things. If you find yourself cringing, feeling like a smaller version of your best self, or just in general a check in your spirit DON’T IGNORE THAT! You know what you need and that’s your spirit leading you to it or away from things or people and places that are not it or in alignment with it.
  3. Don’t force it. Sometimes incompatibility, rejection, and disappointment leave you with a weird mix of emotions but tap into those emotions, do the work with God to heal, and keep going. You don’t won’t just anyone in your life but someone that is going to complement you and the divine purpose you were created for.
  4. Lack of compatibility doesn’t make you or the other person a bad person. Just a set of persons that are not right for each other in this specific relationship dynamic. Be true to yourself and be honest with that other person and let them go to find what best suits them and vice versa.
  5. Go on dates or situations that allow you to see what this person is like in real world, true life situations. This way it’s not just long stares, candlelit dinners, walks on the beach and romance, but you truly unraveling this individual’s character to really see how they operate and if you can truly live  with and love this reality for forever if they NEVER change or PROGRESS beyond this point. Potential is beautiful but it’s just that without kinetic action behind it.  We often fall victim to believing in potential or the idea that this person can change (and people can) but it has to be a personal choice with the assistance of divine intervention.
  6. Find people who you TRUST and who LOVE YOU and will keep you accountable about what you desire out of love and life and allow them to interact with this person. Yes, at the end of the day our loved ones do not dictate who we partner with but who knows you better than them? Besides, they aren’t looking at your love with rose-colored glasses and could possibly be onto something that you’ve missed.
  7. Grow in love with the person and not the ideal that that person represents. If that person is stripped of all the trappings of this world, they are left with their raw character and personality which will guide the relationship.
  8. Know your deal breakers and be unapologetic for/about them. What’s problematic for one individual seems like a walk in the park for another.
  9. Last but not least, HAVE FUN knowing that you are equipped with everything you need to cross paths with another amazing being and that until you find them your self-love and self-worth will be your guide!

If you’ve recently landed on a love landmine, that’s OKAY! I am sending you love, light, and God’s peace and blessings! But keep going! Pick yourself up, give yourself time to heal, and get back to living your fabulous life.  Your story is still being written by a master Creator!

true love
Photo Credit: GIPHY


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