I’m wildly optimistic and positive. Most times, this serves me very well especially in terms of needing perseverance and motivation when life has its way of throwing challenges my way, that are arguably essential and pivotal to my growth as a young woman. In some instances, especially more romantic instances, my wild optimism makes me view some potential suitors in a light that often times may not be the deserving light leading me down one less fulfilling version of Alice’s plunge down the illustrious Rabbit Hole.
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that when I care about others is that I have the ability to conveniently not notice character flaws and other red flags that are going to be vital to not having my heart be vulnerable and open to people who should have never gotten past hello. As someone, who is loving, giving, and truly looks to see the best in others and tries in most instances to see the positive in EVERYTHING, even giving people the benefit of the doubt beyond the FLASHING DOUBT, I’ve learned that creating prototypes out of people who never had intentions on fulfilling those expectations or standards is a dangerous way to LEAD YOURSELF ON and leave you picking up the pieces of your shattered alternate reality.
By no means am I here to spout war stories of bitterness, broken spirits, or disillusion. Quite the contrary, as I previously stated, I am ever the optimist and still am equally as excited and hopeful for a love that complements the love I have and am continuously developing for myself. But I am here to share (which is the whole reason I love this space and started this blog) the true problem with blindly falling for potential and the prototype.
I absolutely advocate for each person who desires love for themselves one day to have an idea as to what their ideal mate encompasses spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc. But don’t become attached to anything other than the non-negotiables of that image. Why you ask? It’s simple. I love “Prototype” as much as the next hip hop head who grew up in the 90’s and early 2000’s loving all things OutKast. It’s chock full of hope, romanticism, and all the feel good feelings of finding/encountering your true love, “the one”, and your soul mate. But prototypes are better in virtual reality than real life, and often waiting on potential to manifest can leave you trying to figure out it never manifested and little more than mythical fairy dust in your hands and a sense of disappointment in your heart.
Loving the prototype and potential makes you blind to when you’re compromising because this person looks good on paper, but doesn’t touch your soul in a way that’s meaningful, beneficial and impactful. Loving a prototype and their potential makes you lose sight of the fact that you love, like, care for, and are giving very vital, intimate parts to this person while they are just as unconcerned as can be about meeting you where you’re at and being fully invested in you and your development because they only care and are concerned for their development or are only interested in you when you can serve their development. Loving the idea of prototype and potential makes you look at all this person can be and conveniently allows you to forget all that they are (good and bad) and assess whether you even love or like this person at all.
You see, if people were meant to be androids or robots, loving them and having relationships independent of the good, bad, character flaws, idiosyncracies, mood swings, feelings, failures, and successes would be a lot more foolproof. But what kind of love is that? Loving people only when conditions are right or based upon created ideals crafted in the mind isn’t unconditional love at all.
So, the real problem in falling for potential and the prototype is that you deny yourself from loving a perfectly imperfect person, because you love the ideal of what can be versus the often harsh reality of what is. You can also miss out on encountering a perfectly imperfect person and allowing them the opportunity to meet what a prototype could never be, a perfectly original version of you. So go ahead and have your standards and non-negotiables, but realize real people are who they are. Don’t attempt to change that.
In the famous words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If it isn’t what speaks to your highest self or aligns with who you are, let that go and allow them to be whoever they choose and need to be for who or whatever purpose or person they were created for. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with someone/something not being for you and that doesn’t make the other person a villain either. If it aligns with your highest/ best self and values, and brings you joy, allow it to flow and be exactly what it’s going to be. It’s not a prototype, but you can definitely find a way to tiptoe to the sun and grow in love with a real live person who is willing to realize and be more than you ever imagined and satisfy your whole being in a way that awaiting on potential to manifest never could. And that’s something that’s worth being in love again for.