Why my single life is just as fabulous and beautiful as married life

If you’re single like me you’re probably used to the following narrative and questions:

” We need to hurry up and find you a husband”

” When you getting married?”

” You live alone, all by yourself? That doesn’t get lonely?”

” I know you got a boyfriend, a man or something”

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And the list goes on……

For the most part, I take these comments and questions in stride because the majority of the time, they come from people who I am certain mean well but just want what they perceive is best for me.

But I am here today to state that my single life isn’t something I am DESPERATELY trying to shake free of  nor is it some type of death sentence that I believe God unfairly punished me with until a significant other arrives. I am in love with the life that I am currently leading because I realize love and happiness starts with ME and spreads abroad and I’ve got a lot of things that I am passionate about and that God has placed in my hands to steward and tend to in THIS MOMENT.

Society has put us into a mode where as single individuals we are constantly bombarded with the idea that you haven’t arrived until you have a husband or wife, 2 and a half kids, and a house with a white picket fence  and if you don’t…. WELL then you’ve clearly missed the mark. Or God doesn’t love you. Or you must have something wrong with you. But your worth comes from a lot more than just the mere notion of your marital status or what you’ve achieved in life. I’ve found that my worth is in Christ and in Christ alone and when I attempt to place it in anything else or look elsewhere for it then I always come up empty.

Don’t get me wrong I desire companionship and REAL LOVE. And there will definitely be a time to be married to an amazing man that adds to the amazing life that I already have and pour our love and Christ’s love into our offspring.   There will be a time to  build a beautiful life as a great mother and wife and carry out my individual and collective purpose with my husband that God placed me on this Earth for.  Those are roles that I believe are so honorable and beautiful and God graces each individual for. But that’s not the entirety of who I am and desire to be. Both of those roles take great preparation  and maturity to truly serve in the capacity that I believe God creates them for .

And what better time to prepare and love my life then right now in this very moment? Whatever issues I was dealing with as a single woman don’t magically disappear when I get married. If I don’t use this beautiful time right now to love myself, find myself and the things I love, and truly appreciate my own identity I may make the mistake of idolizing my future blessings of marriage and children. As a result I may also lose my sense of identity and wholeness misusing the gifts God has given me to steward in the long run.

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I’ve also been a single woman who’s been in the WRONG relationships. I’ve known what it feels like to lay next to someone and have your very worth and being taken for granted and to be greatly undervalued. I’ve known what it feels like  when the very things you do for someone are not GOOD ENOUGH and neither are you. I’ve felt hurt and pain and sense of being lost due to being in the wrong relationships and not being able to truly hear from God.

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I no longer desire those things for myself, thanks be to God and his great sense of deliverance and freedom. I am content to enjoy my single life until God orchestrates a meeting with a man worthy of who and what I am as a person. A man who is not threatened by those things but encourages and breathes life into those things as I do the same for him.  (talk about a beautiful God honoring partnership) And I say that in the most humblest terms possible.

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The next RELATIONSHIP I enter into will be intentional and it will be to a man who honors the God I serve, me, my womanhood, my accomplishments, the love I give and all the wonderful gifts and talents that I will bring to our relationship.

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Until then I am excited to:

  1. Grow deeper and stronger in my intimate relationship with God and be about my Father’s business.
  2. Learn from healthy and happy married couples what it takes to sustain a God filled marriage with a purpose filled partner.
  3. Travel! (woot woot)
  4. Learn to live fearlessly and bold and walking in faith
  5. Try new foods and cook new recipes
  6. Chase my dreams and make my career exactly what I want it to be with God’s discernment and wisdom
  7. Eat cereal for dinner if I feel like it (lol)
  8. Stretch out in my bed
  9. Dance around my apartment
  10. Sleep in
  11. Building amazing friendships
  12. Spend time with friends and family and fostering and growing those relationships
  13. Serve in my community
  14. Check out local treats and restaurants (yay! fun! )
  15. Workout as much as my little body can stand
  16. Make random trips anywhere
  17. Tinker with starting a business
  18. Write books and blogs and whatever else God puts on my heart
  19. Splurge guilt free on my heart’s desires
  20. Come and go as I please
  21. Read books, learn, grow, become a better woman FOR ME
  22. Move across the country or around the world
  23. Go wherever God may be calling me to serve his people
  24. Last but not least live my life abundantly as that is what Jesus died for me to do

I challenge you if you are in a relationship that in your heart you know you shouldn’t be in or has you living below the life  God intended for you, (short of your marriage because you in that thang till death do us part lol) I encourage you to examine whether you can truly live the divine life God intended you to with this person or if you are operating out of a place of loneliness, desperation, or boredom. I’ve been there and desperation will only detour you to dead ends. Trust the process, grow, learn, take care of yourself, figure yourself out, find out what you’re called to do and GO DO IT! Your life doesn’t start when you get a ring on your finger or your marital status changes, it starts every morning God breathes fresh breath into your body. Get busy! You never know who God may be using you to impact.

And my my,  what a special thing when you do encounter your future spouse (if God has placed that as a strong desire in your heart I believe and stand in agreement with you that he will honor it) if you’ve been busy enjoying your life and growing in God excelling in those gifts and talents we’ve all been blessed with.

So go enjoy your wild, fabulous, beautiful and blessed single life!  It’s so worth it!

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The working girl’s weekend wind down: What could be more fabulous than breakfast in bed?

I’m a little late posting this but I just was thinking how there is nothing quite as sweet as winding down from a busy and packed week at work. #workinggirlchronicles

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I think often times we (myself included) are so wired to believe that everyday should be bustling with activity of some sort, that we forget how wonderfully fabulous, and necessary actually doing NOTHING can really be. It’s freeing, it’s salacious, it’s inviting and it’s a vital part of self-care just to be able to get away from it all,  and be able to attune to your own thoughts and desires into what is actually good, healthy, and beneficial for you and your soul and body. And can I say  I truly indulged in my NOTHING Saturday. I know the next couple of weekends I have coming up will be jam packed with activity so I NEEDED to just unwind and let loose and RELAX.

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My greatest desire all week was just to lounge around in my sweats and a tank top once the weekend hit. Friday night  I got a real craving for breakfast but I was so out of it I could only find the energy to have a bowl of cereal (yayyy for Cinnamon Toast Crunch) and hit the hay. But that desire stayed with me all night so I was like why not turn this into an all out lazy Saturday complete with a breakfast I normally wouldn’t have time to enjoy during the week? So that brings us to where we currently are. My fabulous personal version of breakfast in bed complete with a scrambled egg and potato veggie bowl, green smoothie and watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Directly following this, I had a wonderfully rejuvenating mid-morning nap and munched on some snacks and just lounged around my apartment.

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What are some of your fabulous ways to wind down from your week? I would love to hear from you!

3 ways to silence your inner critic and celebrate yourself

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Here it goes again.  That little pesky voice that always undermines every SINGLE thing you do. “You probably shouldn’t eat that” “You’re not enough for….” ” You’ll never…” ” You might need to lose or gain weight” ” Why can’t you be more like…..”  And the list and  go on. While a little self reflection definitely allows you to assess whether you are actually moving forward to those things that are vital for you to accomplish, too much introspection can be nothing but a perfect recipe for disaster and blows to your self-esteem, self-worth and self-image. A plain old sneaky culprit of self hate.

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Here a few quick tips to encourage kindness to yourself and embrace the fact that you are a wonderfully worth individual who can and WILL manifest all the amazing things you are working hard for.

Actually celebrate yourself and eliminate all the negative self speeches and talk

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Have you ever realized that it’s super easy to point out and celebrate all the amazing things you love about other people but extremely hard to highlight all the things you love about you? Take some time each day to love on yourself and be excited, proud, and motivated about all the amazing things you have done, are doing, and will do. There’s going to be enough negativity attempting to invade your head space, and pull on your energy without you adding to it. Make a physical list of all the reasons why you are amazing, deserving, and enough, post them somewhere you can see them, and speak those affirmations to yourself until they become reality to you. Because they are real and most of the stuff you are thinking that’s negative isn’t. Additionally, evaluate whether there are certain things you are allowing in be it people, places, shows, things you read or ingest that are contributing to those feelings of low self worth.  Evaluate and remove or replace accordingly.

Evaluate whether that negative thinking is true, kind, or positive

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As I stated earlier, sometimes self honesty is needed to get to where we want to go and figure out what’s keeping us from getting there. However,  I honestly believe we sometimes don’t take enough time to asses whether all the thoughts we are having are true, lovely, kind, or positive and if they even are reflective of our true identity.  Often those thoughts tend to be reflective of  things we’ve picked up along the way,  and CHOSEN to believe about ourselves. You can always choose your thoughts and if a thought doesn’t line up with your goals, energy, and what you are trying to manifest,  just reject it and send it on its way.

Cut yourself some slack and KEEP GOING

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Rome wasn’t built in a day and you won’t be either. Give yourself a break sometimes. Why undermine yourself and all your hard work because it’s not to the point or vision you desire? You’re well on your way as long as you keep going and don’t give up. Keep dreaming, keep working, keep believing, keep loving yourself through the process, and be proud of who you are and who you’re on the way to becoming! Every day indeed won’t be beautiful or Instagram worthy,  but celebrate each little accomplishment and remember there’s purpose on your life, a pulse in your wrist, and breath in your lungs, so you might as well roll up those sleeves because there’s work to be done!

The only way that work stops being valid and far from completion is by listening to a voice that says all the reasons you can’t instead of all the strengths and victories that say you can! You’re wonderful, you’re here, you’re powerful, you’re enough, and that’s that!

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Wellness: I’m fit but am I really living well?

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With increasing research supporting healthier food alternatives and active lifestyles, the world has been turned on its head in terms of wellness, health and fitness. In fact, I am pretty proud to say I’ve been living a pretty health conscious lifestyle. I live for a good gym session and a good kale and spinach smoothie and veggie wrap or veggie stir fry. However, even with all that fixing of my physical health and eating habits I can’t help but think does my spirit fully reflect the work that I am putting my outer self through?

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I mean it’s great to be physically fit and to truly care for your temple but sometimes I have to admit that I am tougher on my inner me than I probably need to be. BUT to combat that I have been being intentional these days about being kinder to myself and putting into practice some #selfcare and being mindful especially when it comes to my thought life. Because let’s be honest it will not do me or anyone else much  good to be the strongest woman on the outside but  to be constantly struggling on the inside, or battling with negative self talk or things that don’t align with what God has to say of me.

So in an effort to practice being more healthy spiritually, which is directly related to your mental health and wellness, I’ve put into practice the following:

  1. Meditation (both on affirmations and the word of God)
  2. Intentionality of my thought life.
  3. Laughing with family and friends.
  4. Reading good books or listening to uplifting songs, podcasts, Youtube sessions, or any other similar media outlets that are good for/beneficial to my soul and spirit growth.
  5. Fueling my body with veggies, fruit, and essential vitamins and nutrients that will boost my mood.
  6. Exercising regularly.(heyyyy endorphins and good feelings!)
  7. Fighting negative emotions or spirits vigilantly.
  8. Celebrating myself, my accomplishments, and all the amazing things that are happening in it and focusing on those things.
  9. Focusing on what I want to be and how to get there, goals, the goodness of God and the progress I’ve already made.
  10. Counting my blessings.
  11. Living my life like it’s GOLDEN! (Shout out to Jill Scott!)
  12. Realizing all days aren’t going to be picture perfect but taking it all in stride and finding in the words of my best friend “my happy” and realizing my peace, joy, and contentment comes from God and flows outward from that place and is not dictated by circumstances or situations but by my identity as HIS cherished daughter.
  13. But even if I do have an emotional day or moment, not LIVING in that space and finding the courage and strength to keep moving past that.
  14. Being transparent with those close to me and realizing that those closest to me are built for helping me on my life journey.
  15. Self care (washing hair, soaking in the tub, eating my fave treat foods WITHOUT GUILT, dancing, taking a nap, whatever may feel right in that given moment and that contributes to getting back to a balanced place)
  16. Serving others and taking my eyes off myself.
  17. DOING NOTHING. (Despite what this world tells us or tries to feed us, sometimes rest/stillness is a beautiful thing)
  18. Taking a walk outside.
  19. Encouraging, pouring into, complimenting someone else and talking to a perfect stranger, giving someone else a smile or a bit of hope.
  20. Cooking/meal prepping, reading about new recipes and types of food
  21. Hanging out with family members, friends and loved ones and enjoying the simple things.
  22. The occasional burst of retail therapy.
  23. Foodie/ travel adventures
  24. Walk in confidence and realize all is well with my soul
  25. Call on my alter ego Ms. Thang (every woman has that part of herself she calls up when she needs that extra oomph)

Not an exhaustive list but this is what came to me offhand.

What are some of your favorite wellness promotion activities? Feel free to share! I would love to hear!  In the mean time take care of yourself and remember there are billions of people in the world but there will never be another you with all the gifts and talents God has imparted to you to share with the world so be WHOLE and WELL!

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